Small Town Coroner
As I lay here in bed tonight I listen. I listen for the heart beat, a kick, a new life. Each day I hear you grow inside your mother who grows more beautiful each day. She glows with you inside. You will be our child and we will be there for you until we take our last breaths.
God has given many gifts to me but I know that I cannot earn them. My new wife who took my breath away and still breathed new life into me. A family that I had thought would never be is here. It's so close.
Sarah is doing well and the doctor says we will be able to tell boy or girl during the next visit. School is a challenge some days for her but then she says she sees our son or daughter sitting at those desks and she smiles.
We are preparing the best we can to make sure everything is on track and that we will parent together.
It's not easy going through this again I still sometimes ache for the family I once had but can never bring back to me. I think of it as another life lived long ago..almost like a dream. A place I had visited but only when I was a boy and now return to many years later as a man.
I have let my mind wonder here and there what it would be like now if they were still alive? What would my wife look like? How tall would my daughter be? How would I react if she brought a boy to meet me? Would we still live in the same house? These questions sometime sneak up on me.
I don't tell Sarah but I'm sure she wonders when I get quiet and stare out the window or when we walk on the beach during a sunset. I can't compare her to my other wife and it is not fair to compare the lives I have lived in this small town.
My eyes are closing for longer each time I blink. It's time to turn off the light and get some sleep. These thoughts may tonight become my dreams.
Entry 42 (2010-11-15) — Copyright ©2001-2019 Richard Shane Reinert.